5 Ways to Annoy: Percy Weasley
by Nightlock Stained Lips
Summary: For 'How to Annoy' Challenge at HPFC by edgy satsuma.
1. Tip 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own this and all that jazz..**

**For 'How to Annoy' Challenge at HPFC by edgy satsuma.  
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><p><strong>5 WAYS TO ANNOY : <strong>_Percy Weasley_

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><p><strong>1)<strong>_ Send him fake letters saying that his girlfriend wants to break up with him_

"Oi! Fred, c'mere!" George Weasley shouted at his twin brother, his face painted a mischievous grin.

"Yes my dear brother?"

"I got an idea."

Fred then matched George's face in a split second. Fred started to rub his hands together in a very villainous way while George started to chuckle darkly and stroke an imaginary beard.

"What are you two doing?" their little sister, Ginny, roused the twins out of their pranking fantasy.

"Nothing..." George drawled out, slowly backing out of the room and up the stairs to their shared room, with Fred following.

"Now, what was that oh-so-brilliant idea you had?" Fred said as he plopped down and grabbed a hidden stash of chocolate frogs hidden underneath their bed, where no one would dare to look. Tossing some to his brother and settling back.

"Remember Percy's always going on and on about his beloved Penelope?"

"Don't remind me."

"Well, how about we pretend that she wants to break up with him through a letter...?"

"That is... BRILLIANT! Maybe the prat will realize how much of a stuck-up pinhead he's turning- or is already-into. This should knock him down a few pegs."

The twins laughed in unison as they started on their evil plan to torment their older brother. First they concocted a ridiculous letter-

_My Dearest, _

_I apologize for not having the heart to do this face to face. I know we've had our fair share of happiness, but I can't take this anymore. I'm so sorry, but I can't keep stringing you along like this. I've fallen in love with your brothers, Fred and George, they are so dashingly handsome that I couldn't resist. I'm so sorry, I know it pains me too, but I think it is for the best if we go our separate ways._

_-Penelope_

-then George swapped the letters while Fred distracted Percy by changing the colors of his clothes to a bright, neon pink and consequently getting chased around by Percy.

Later that night at dinner, Percy sat with a shocked and dejected look at the table clutching the letter. Fred and George appearing to be way too interested with their food.

"Something wrong Percy dear?" Molly Weasley asked her son.

"M-mum. Penelope.."

"Yes dear, Penelope what..?"

"S-she broke up with me. B-because she fell in.. love.. with... FRED! GEORGE"

It finally clicked as he read the letter again and stopped at his brothers' names. He was too upset about the prospect of his girlfriend dumping him earlier. The twins burst into laughter, getting up as Percy took out his wand and chased them around the table. Knowing he couldn't outrun both at the same time Percy grabbed the nearest bowl of mashed potatoes and hurled it at the twins. One thing led to another and soon food was quite literally flying.

"ENOUGH!" Their mother bellowed as everything was suspended by magic and the food fell down. Ron, Ginny, their parents were all covered in food.

Safe to say, the twins and Percy were punished severely for the next few days. That most certainly annoyed Percy very very much.


	2. Tip 2

For 'How to Annoy' Challenge at HPFC by edgy satsuma.

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><p><strong>2)<strong>_ Take his notes right before his N.E.W.T.s_

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><p>A scowl etched itself upon Percy's face. He upturned his book bag unto the library table. Searching through the quills, parchment and textbooks. Throwing his hand up in the air in exasperation. He had not found what he was so desperately looking for.<p>

"Where could it possibly be?" he mused out loud.

"Shhh!"

Percy turned away from an aggravated looking Madame Pince. Piling his things back in his bag he left the library to go interrogate a certain pair that may have knowledge on the recent disappearance of his Charms notes the afternoon before the test.

"FRED! GEORGE!"

"What is it brother dear..?" the twins materialized in front of a seething Percy.

"Where is my notes?" the twins looked at each other before shrugging. As if to ask each other if they did a prank the other didn't know about.

Percy was beside himself, it was one thing for his brothers to take his things but for them to take his notes of all things right before one of the tests that could make or break his career. It was highly insensitive even for the twins.

"Seriously, we didn't take it." Fred protested,

"We were too busy with other things." George added.

No matter how much Percy pressed on the twins all answered the same thing. They didn't know where it was and they didn't take it. Percy sighed in frustration, this was wasting time and getting nowhere, not to mention it was giving him a huge headache.

Seeking refuge in the shade of a large tree outside. A figure plopped itself down on the grass next to him. Percy spoke without looking up.

"If you are here to bother me, please go away. I'm not in the mood."

"Oh.. I apologize then."

Percy's head snapped up. His girlfriend Penelope was smiling at him.

"Why are you sulking here, we should be studying."

"Sorry, I... I'm just really frustrated."

"Why?"

"No, you don't want to know."

"Yeah, I do."

"Fine.. someone took my notes. It's a stupid and rude and insensitive prank and–"

"I took it."

Percy stopped in shock. Penelope? How could she do something so... so... mean. His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish's.

"I-took-it-and-forgot-to-tell-you-I-was-going-to-return-it-but-I-didn't-know-where-you-were."

Penelope said in one breath. Percy said nothing, his lips now pressed into a thin line.

"I see."

"A-are you mad?"

"No. Annoyed? Yes. But mad? No, I'm not mad. I would have appreciated it if you told me sooner. I was having a panic attack."

Penelope nodded and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him quite passionately. When they broke apart Percy's glasses were a little bit lopsided on his face, though all traces of his previous stress seemingly disappeared.

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><p><strong>I know.. I know.. it's pretty short. But still, I'd love to hear from you guys.<strong>


	3. Tip 3

**Thank you so much to everyone who commented, favorited and alerted on this. Thank you!**

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><p><strong>3) <strong>_Blind dates_

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><p>"Hey Perce! Are you free on Saturday at 7?" Ron wandered in on his elder brother reading the paper. It was one of those frequent get-togethers at the elder Weasley's.<p>

Percy gave a sigh and buried himself deeper in his reading material. His brothers were forever setting him up on blind dates. His parents were more than happy to, if not force him, to find a nice girl that will make him happy.

"Y'know Ron, I don't think–" Percy started when Ginny, Bill, Fleur and his mother carrying little Victoire in her arms entered the room.

"What's going on here? " Ginny asked.

"Nothing–"

"Hermione's got a friend of a friend of a friend –I think– who's willing to go to dinner with Perce on Saturday." Ron but in.

"As I was telling Ron–"

"That would be wonderful!"

"Maybe this one'll work out!"

"I 'ope you 'ave fun, if you do go.."

"It can't possibly hurt to go,"

Percy sunk in lower and raised the paper higher to cover his reddening face. Hoping to hide himself from his family's comments. It always amazed him how fascinated they are of his love life.

"Alright! Alright! If it'll get rid you all off my back then." he said very loudly, loud enough to wake the sleeping Victoire, who then started to cry and resulted in every other person trying to soothe her. Percy took the distraction and slipped out the room quickly to avoid anymore prodding.

Finding peace at the old kitchen table. He once again asked himself why he agreed to such things. He's probably been on about three in the span of a month, far too frequent for his pace. Then again, he supposed his family was only trying to be supportive and the fact that he was the only one, besides George and Charlie, that was single. Yet, he wasn't seeing them being offered blind dates from friends of friends.

-line-

"Alright, here's what I managed to get.. Uhmm..." Ron fumbled with a bit of parchment, with barely legible writing.

"Ron, can you _even_ read that?"

"Oh, here it is. Her name is Lindsey Beck, she's 20 from London, working at that new high-end clothing shop at Diagon Alley. She likes puppies, ice cream, long walks in the moonlight. A hufflepuff, she doesn't like anything or anyone that isn't nice... Yadda yadda yadda, something something something..."

"Hold on, what?"

"Y'know what, here it is, take it. I think she's there so I gotta go."

Ron gave his brother a shove inside the restaurant, then leaving. The piece of parchment crumpled in Percy's hand, he tried his best to smooth it out, but could still not read half of what's on it.

"I'm in for a rough night.." he muttered.

"Looking like that? I'll say," the rosy-cheeked lady dripping in jewelry in the portrait next to him replied.

Percy took a deep breath and approached the bored looking hostess, who led him to a small table much to close to the kitchen doors. Already his pessimism kicking in. '_You'll be having a great time with great food and great company, they said_' he thought, with a hint of regret.

Ron was right, she was already seated at the table. Lindsey sat at the table, her face stretched into a grin. She had a round, freckled face, pointy features that didn't match her overly large, round brown eyes that got larger when he sat down and mid-length, wispy bleached blond hair.

"Hi, I'm Lindsey."

"Percy Weasley."

There was a pregnant pause, she kept staring at him with that grin of hers. Percy started to feel self-concious, discreetly checking if he had anything on the front of his shirt.

"So.. this place huh? I mean I heard it's good, I've never really tasted anything from here? Have you? Do you like Italian? Japanese? Mexican?"

Percy barely had time to open his mouth when his date went off with another barage of questions. '_It couldn't be worse than the one who was against anything that remotely resembled any kind of harm to creatures what was her name again? Elsa? Ellen? Eileen?_' he mused.

"I like anything that doesn't have garlic. Or cabbage. Or duck. What do you like? Or not like. What about your favorite snack?"

Safe to say his evening, if anything, got worse. Apart from his date frequently asking him questions in a rapid pace and would often stop and stare at him. Percy, in return would answer as polite as he could, veering away from anything too personal.

Then while they were waiting for dessert, Percy leaned back a bit, wineglass in hand. Then he saw her from the top of his glass. Then realization hit him like the Knight Bus at full speed.

'_My date is a hyperactive owl._'

Percy tried to stifle his bubbling laughter, nearly choking as he took a drink to cover it up and prematurely silencing his date albeit for a few moments. At least there was some comic relief in his night.

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><p>"Um.. Perce, I've got some bad news." Ron came up to him the next afternoon. In a weirdly same scene as a few days ago.<p>

"What Ron?" Percy said tiredly.

"Sorry mate, it didn't work out."

"What?" now Percy was paying attention.

"Lindsey. She thinks your too.. "

"I'm too what?"

"Your too slow."

"Me? Slow?"

Ron gave his brother a weird look as Percy doubled over in laughter.

"Y'know it's not as funny when only one of us knows the joke."

Percy managed to straighten out and say one word before laughing again. Ron shook his head, annoyed and confused as he left.

"Losing his marbles, what owl?"

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><p><strong>Comments? I'll try and upload the next 2 chapters soon.<strong>


	4. Tip 4

**This was inspired by **_**Lucy Weasley's List **_**by ****Facetaker****. I highly recommend it, you will honestly laugh A LOT. **

**I forgot to say that the previous chapter and on are after the war. He's a lot more loose than his old self and I'm sorry if he comes off as OOC.**

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><p><strong>4) <strong>_Give him big surprises_

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><p>Children. Percy sometimes wondered why he ever agreed to have any.<p>

It was another holiday, his wife had picked the girls up, since he had to stay behind for a little overtime. Their home was fairly quaint and cozy, even though as a higher Ministry Official he was often expected to have more. But he wanted his daughters to feel the close-knit environment he grew up in.

He entered the back door, letting the warmth seep in him. He made his way to the kitchen to

"Daddy!" Molly rushed in for a hug. His eldest was much like him, studious, rule-following, a head girl in her now last year in Hogwarts. Molly even inherited her father's bright, flaming hair curled into tight, bouncy ringlets. His youngest though wasn't anything like him. Even the way she wore her strawberry blonde hair in loose curls that is just as carefree and playful as all of her. She was constantly in trouble, paired with her cousins she is a troublemaker. But Lucy makes those around her smile and laugh whether they want to or not. To be honest, Percy loves his younger daughter's wily ways, he feels as if Fred were still there with him.

Percy gave Molly a tight hug and a kiss on her forehead. Looking up to find his other daughter still not there with him.

"Where's Lucy?"

"She says she has a surprise for you."

Percy let Molly go, a questioning look on his face, Lucy's surprises are actually quite a surprise. His wife shrugged as she handed him a mug of tea to warm up with.

"I'm here!" Lucy's bright voice called from the entrance.

In an almost synchronized way, Percy choked, then spat out his tea, then grabbed the back of a chair for support. While his other daughter and wife looked dumbfounded, Molly then started to roar with laughter.

Lucy stood in the doorway, her shirt stretched by her protruding stomach.

"Congratulations! You're going to be a grandpa!"

Percy stood there, his face utter confusion and shock.

"Who's that dad?" Molly asked in between guffaws.

"It's ... Teddy."

Percy made a noise like that of a balloon deflating. Lucy's face turned thoughtful as she patted her large tummy.

"No.. wait I think it might be someone else,"

Percy gave a relieved sigh. But his relief didn't last long. Lucy's face grew darker as she straightened out and became serious.

"I think it may be... Lorcan Scamander."

Pulling a chair out, Percy slumped, his face a look of despair.

"... Or Lysander, I can't remember too well since they're twins."

'_How did this happen? My little girl!_' echoed in his head. His wife gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"I think this has gone long enough." Audrey said, a hint of laughter in her voice. Lucy's face then split in an enormous grin. She reached under her shirt and pulled out a pillow. Lucy then went over to her dad and gave him a tight hug while Percy still had the dumbfounded expression.

"Don't worry! I'm still a virgin."

Try as he could, Percy just couldn't get mad at her. He sighed,

"You know, this is exactly the kind of thing your uncles Fred and George would've done." hugging his daughter tight, he could almost hear Fred's laughter again in his daughter's.

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><p><strong>So yeah, it's a little short and a tad bit Fred-centric. <strong>


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